2018

As some of you who know me best noticed, I have not written anything in quite a while. Virtually nothing since the end of June.  A few posts here and there on Facebook but over all quiet.

Many people have commented on how 2018 hit them like a hurricane and I can’t lie, I have googled “retrograde planets” more than once and I didn’t even know that was a thing people followed until this year.  This year has been HARD.

Even now as I am starting to write I am fearful of what energy or karma is following my words waiting to end 2018 with yet another bang.

I have watched my world fall apart and rebuild numerous times this year.  Each fall was harder than the previous.  First, I watched myself give up on the dreams I had for my soap business.  The goals of my little business just collapsed under the stress of home and my main outlet closing .  Next much bigger my home fell apart, my then husband thought he could be happier elsewhere and took his show on the road.  The manner in which he exited also caused a huge collapse in the farm.  All of my new built hopes and dreams of a pasture full of horses, a yard full of kids and a table full of friend went up in smoke.

Throughout the summer people tried to help me rebuild the farm and emotionally  and to some degree progress was made, but it was a constant one step forward and one step back.  One moment the dream would be tangible and the next it was gone.

But I am forever grateful of the help and kindness during that time.

I learned a lot this year, I learned it is OK to address your anxiety.  Being depressed is not a sin to be hidden, you need to talk to your doctor and make a plan.  Find out the things that are symptoms of your depression and what is causing them.  I never realized my house was such a mess until my depression left.  Now, I am not a great house keeper but I see difference and don’t feel the burden of the chores.

I learned leaning on people is OK.  Recently my mom told me my life was in a hurricane season if she had ever seen one, but I have some really good life rafts to see me through.  I am sure I have choked on my pride more than once asking for help in the last six months, but many hands make the burden light.

I have learned forgiveness.  Not just the word, but what it actually means to let something go so completely it doesn’t affect your life anymore.  This was by far the most important lesson I could have ever learned.  I didn’t want to learn it, and if I am being honest it is purely my stubbornness and the stubbornness of someone who wouldn’t give up on me or the farm.  Out of spite I said I can forgive  watch this.  And the most amazing thing happend.  I made a friend.  Not just any friend  but that special, do life together like soul sisters friend.  And the farm is rebuilding and we have big beautiful plans for it, and the yard is full of kids again and the table is full of food and friends.

So 2018, you still have a couple weeks left, I am not trying to tempt you, but I have learned a lot from you this year.

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